How flipping the script can create surprising results
We all know how opposites work: up vs. down, awake vs. asleep, left vs right. We solve simple problems all day, every day by leaning into opposites:
Opening a closed door to let the air in
Tidying an untidy room to declutter our space
Turning a blasting TV off to reduce the noise
But sometimes in life - and in social change - there is incredible power in what I have come to think of as unexpected opposites: a contrasting thing or idea that is unconventional or surprising in some way.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “The opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference.” While love and hate are both fueled by intense emotion, indifference is the total absence of care, which makes it the real (if unexpected) opposite of love.
Unexpected opposites can help to flip the script in our changemaking leadership, encouraging us to reach beyond the most obvious course of action and to take different steps forward. And any time we step outside of the norm we can create surprising results.
A personal favorite of mine is the unexpected opposite of judgment - not acceptance, but curiosity. There are times when I can be way too hard on myself (and others), even over the smallest things. So, I try to catch myself and swap that judgment for curiosity. Recently, I made a mistake during a keynote presentation and was really beating myself up for it. I switched this self-judgment for curiosity and asked myself: “what actually makes a presentation successful?” And in doing so, I realized it’s not about perfection. It’s about sparking those ‘aha moments’ in others. Replacing judgment with curiosity helps me move forward with a lot more grace.
If reaching for an unexpected opposite helped me shift my thinking, how can we use this simple idea to propel change in our work?
An unexpected opposite can look like taking the non-obvious action or the non-linear path.
During a sunny run last Saturday morning, I saw a man directing traffic after a gnarly-looking accident had blocked half of the road. Presumably a driver or passenger involved in the crash, there he was, calmly helping others instead of sitting on the curb, shaken up. Talk about flipping the script! He was such a perfect, real-life example of an unexpected opposite. He wasn’t the distressed victim you’d expect—he was the calm in the chaos, looking after other people.
Some common challenges you might be facing in your changemaking work can be tackled by considering the unexpected opposite:
The real magic of unexpected opposites is that it invites us to consider solutions to challenges we might not have otherwise considered. With practice, it becomes a bit of a mental game. When I’m faced with a problem, I try to think beyond the obvious or the typical course of response. Here are some questions to prompt your thinking:
What’s the less predictable angle?
How can I flip my thinking?
What is another way of thinking about this?
Is my current diagnosis of the problem the only possible one?
It’s not just a tool for driving social change —it’s something we can use in personal growth, too. Sometimes, the solution isn’t a straightforward fix—it’s about rethinking our assumptions and finding a new, surprising path forward.